This year has not started off on a good note for me, I was at my lowest since January 1st and it wasn’t easy. There were days where I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and perhaps I didn’t even want to? It’s hard dealing with something that has attacked me so suddenly – one day I woke up and there it was sitting firmly on my chest….. Anxiety.
I battled it for over 10 weeks day in, day out without having any experience on how to feel better, be better. I felt like a disposable human being.
Anxiety brings out the worst thoughts you’ve ever had about yourself: useless, helpless, ugly, fat, replaceable… the list goes on. The nature of this illness is that it makes you extremely negative; positivity doesn’t exist. Sounds familiar? You’re not alone – believe me.
My anxiety was driven by an already dormant invisible “condition” called Reflex Scope which at the time I was not aware of. Until I was diagnosed in Poland in March 2018, I visited number of doctors and hospitals in Ireland only to be told that there’s nothing wrong with me, that I have anxiety and that I should move on with my life. (And the award for the “best doctor” goes to….) In fact it was completely the other way around – my unknown condition symptoms were getting worse and because I didn’t know what was causing them and how to stop passing out in public this drove the fear (anxiety) in me as I daily commute from Kildare to Dublin on my own… Not a great prospect. It got to a point where I was out of work for weeks at a time, as I was afraid to leave the house in case I passed out while I was alone.
Fast forward 10 weeks after my diagnosis – I am back to life, anxiety free, medication free just being my usual 27 year old self hoping I can still conquer the world. You know what? I can, and so can you.
Reflecting back on when I was at my lowest hoping to no longer be in the land of living (yes, things can get this bad) to now feeling amazing hoping I can still be an entrepreneur feels like years ago! My positive thinking is back, with that I have more energy and determination to succeed in my goals. I have enrolled (and got accepted) to college beginning in autumn! (yeay go me!) And now I know that life is too precious to let it pass by me.
You are brilliant. You don’t need anyone to validate this for you – even though it’s nice to hear from someone that you rock every now & then; you are fab – REMEMBER THAT. Life is hard, it will throw bales under your feet, but you can do it – you can give it your 100% and succeed.
Now that you know that you’re an awesome person and know your worth, it is time to STOP WASTING YOUR TIME in a job that you hate and sit down and figure out what it is that you want to do with your life. Don’t stay in a position that you dread coming into every morning. Life is too short to be miserable, underpaid and unhappy. Which is why I enrolled to college, I took that step to further my education to finally get out of customer service industry. It’s never too late to change your career, BELIEVE ME it will never feel like the right time to do it (because of money, planning kids, mortgage etc.) BUT you might as well do it now, because trust me – it will never ever feel like the right time.
Your family is your rock, give them the credit they deserve. To be 100% honest when I was dealing with anxiety I didn’t know how much of a support my husband could be. I mean, I know he’s amazing I married him after all 😉 But I guess it’s really “in sickness and in health”, he really got me through my darkest times and I honestly wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. Make sure you show them how much you love them, they are your support system and they will cheer you on while you will try to achieve your goals! (and if you’re lucky they will support you financially).
Take The Risk
Have you been thinking of starting something of your own? Had a project in mind? You have some extra time now? Why aren’t you doing it? What’s stopping you? As I said before it will never be the right time to do anything, so TAKE THE RISK. What’s the worst that can happen? It might fail and you move on with your life… Life goes on, but hey at least you tried! It’s easier to think you tried rather than living with regret of what ifs….
Head In The Clouds
It is absolutely ok to dream big, if you dont have your dreams you have nothing. You are stopping yourself from this temporary moment of happiness and this is so so important! Sometimes dreams no matter how big or small can give us this much needed joy.
So Dream Big, Dare To Change and Love Unconditionally